After many trips to the emergency room pleading for help, begging to get off the Over the Counter Medications, I was introduced to Atasol 30’s, as many as I needed any where up to 3-4 tablets…3-4 times a day. I pleaded there has to be something better then this… so I was scheduled to see a Neurologist. My family doctor was as helpful as he could be and sympathized with my headaches but the main course of action was pain medications, antidepressants to make more serotonin to help reduce the pain in my brain and a beta blocker to slow my heart rate down, this was scary to me. My doctor always did his best to calm my thoughts but I my own self thought there must be an alternative. I am thankful for the Western Medicine because without it I would have been in severe racks of pain but I knew in my heart there was a missing piece to the puzzle.

My husband came with me the day I was to see the Neurologist. We had such high hopes. May be the Neurologist could give us a better therapy. I specifically said “I am NOT here for more medication, I am here to find a better way to deal with my migraines,” and if he knew of anything new that could help me and get me off this slope of pain medication I was sliding down I would be grateful. I gave him my whole history and told him every time I asked for another way, something natural, I was told to take another prescription. Which was always getting heavier and helping with the pain but never helping completely. I was adamant that I did not want any more medication. In all my years I never felt like an addict until I left his office.

He gave me a small examination then told me it was basically my fault. I was causing all my headaches and he would never give me a prescription and would not treat me. I argued that I just said I didn’t want medications, I wanted help to not have to take medications if there was some sort of therapy that could help at all I’d try it. He abruptly concluded the exam, stood up and opened the door for us to leave. I can’t even come up with a word to describe the devastation I felt.

I couldn’t even make it to the truck in the parking lot before I broke down crying. I thought if a specialist couldn’t and wouldn’t help I was doomed for the Mental Health Institution and if the pain kept going it would be in the next few years. There would be NO way I would be able to handle the medications or the pain. I became very afraid. I did not want to end up so flipped out on drugs that I wouldn’t know my own daughter, this was the road that Western Medicine paved before me.

Returning again to my family doctor he was devastated himself that my visit was soo harsh and unhelpful. He apologized and said had he even had the slightest thought that that would have been my outcome he would never have sent me, and this was the best my province had to offer. So my doctor worked very diligently with me trying to tweak the medication to where I could somewhat tolerate it but the medication was about to increase again.

Within months watching T.V. became impossible the bright lights and movement would literally make me feel like I was about to throw up. I found for a while I could watch but I had to watch it with my sunglasses on to be able to tolerate the flashing of tiny lights that never bothered anyone else in my family. I could feel my eyes hurting from the strain and then reading and knitting became an issue. Any activity where either my eyes moved quickly or my hands moved in front of my face would make me nauseous and most times led me running for the washroom before the unwanted action of my stomach involuntarily spilling out its contents would spontaneously happen. I was told I’d have to stop fighting and learn to accept my fate. To stop complaining about what I couldn’t do anymore and concentrate on what I could do. Somewhere in that message it was meant to be comforting but how does a carpenter stop building, a fisherman stop fishing, a baker stop baking… a person stop living. There are no words to describe the view once the bottom comes into sight.

So up went the medication…a 200mg tablet and a 100mg tablet of Codeine Contin twice a day with Atasol 30’s in between for when I had a pop up headache in between my regular doses of codeine, antidepressants twice daily and 40 mg of a beta blocker twice a day. Life became blurry.